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The Devil vs. The Nassau Suffolk Realtor

The Nassau Suffolk Realtor

This is how I am known by my clients.  My website address is NassauSuffolkRealtor.com

My email is Andra@NassauSuffolkRealtor.com because my name is obviously…..Andra

And although some people think I’m a bit hyper, I get the job done.  I pride myself on getting all home buys done in 3 days max! I have a lot of people that come to me telling me they have been looking for two years and I just sort of giggle a bit.  And one, two or three days later, the job is done. But I wanted to tell you about last Sunday in particular just after the last of the ice and snows hit our area that previous Wednesday. That Sunday  when I had the Most Horrible, Terrible Awful Day in all aspects. And the funny part is I knew it was coming days in advance. Don’t call me a gypsy because I don’t have a crystal ball and please don’t call it self fulfilling  ( I don’t believe in that stuff ) but I just knew. Especially when those buyers called !!!!  This is the way I see these two little Devils whooping it up at my expense.  The guilty shall remain nameless.

That icey, snowy Wednesday,  The Devil’s wife called and asked me about a few homes in Babylon Village where me, my husband and children reside. I immediately knew the first house they requested on the Great South Bay was not for them because no future parents in their right mind would buy this home. It was definitely priced correctly and the pictures were beautiful but when you got inside (as I had already shown it to another one of my  newly engaged – ready for babies tomorrow,  past clients ) even the magic of photography could not hide that the house had a layout not conducive to the safety of small children. On top of it, there were three floors that were contemporary in design with two sets of winding stairs to unprotected loft areas.  And where there were railings,  there were metal wires in between aluminum tubes as a contemporary touch.  A death trap for a new baby starting to crawl.  And outside was not much better. More than half the home was dock frontage to the furthest most point of the block faced out to the deep bay!  But I told her I would book it along with another beautiful new home to the market with a pool that was a gut renovation with a large lot that the Devil’s wife wanted to see.   It just came on and I saw pictures the day before. Very well staged and I wanted to preview it anyway.   I did not ask her about finances. I usually don’t do this but the jobs she described of her and her husband  bring in excellent salaries and there were other good financial tells that she gave me without her even knowing it. I would discuss it with them on Saturday. So I booked the two homes she requested plus another oldie but goody in the Indian Section of the Village and another larger traditional split in the next town over known as West Islip. This town has a wonderful school district and is centrally located to the parkway to get him to his job easily.

That Friday night late I got a call from the owner / listing agent that her home on the Great South Bay was in half contract as of Friday afternoon and she didn’t want anyone in without full credit approval. One off the list now with three good ones left and anyway, that one was last and they would be there at 10 AM.  So it was still on! I got to the renovation on the large lot with the pool at 9:45 as I am always early with all my documents and folders with my low slung reading glasses to me make me look smart! This is what I came upon;

A Completely Iced up Lock Box

which I fought with for 10 minutes to get my old fashioned key in. My fingers were raw and bleeding by the time they arrived and I was nervous, stuttering  and cold and hot at the same time!  I brought everything in and laid it on the counter.

The Five Carpeted Stairs

We talked a bit. I told them the house on the water was half signed and I got a call from the listing / owner late last night and she was not going to let us in without financial approval as she was signing Monday. As I brought up the financing he abruptly said to me, “Let’s find the house first before we discuss where we are getting the money.” I wasn’t going to get into it with him in the first half hour.  I, Andra Matera, for the first time in my real estate career did  not like a potential customer. My head was screaming, “He’s the Devil! Get out Now!”  I don’t know what happened to me, but my legs must have been just as pissed off!  This is what I looked like going up the stairs……..

Not only did I trip up one step – DUHHHH – I tripped up five steps in a row making excuses as I fell.  OMG  What was happening?!  What was wrong with these Stupid Customers?

Back to The Frozen Lock Box

Of course the Devil didn’t like the house ( it’s layout was a little weird, I agree )  so I picked up the lock box face with my Old Fashioned Lock Box key still in it. I locked the bottom lock from inside and slammed the door as I realized I had left the house key on the counter! Oh well…hopefully the listing agent would have another and I would call her on my way to the next appointment. But my key wouldn’t release from the frozen lock box so as my customers drove off to the next appointment, I stood there like a dummy fighting with the box . Finally I just left my key and the face of the box there. I would pick it up from the listing agent later. I Hate these Customers!

I Got to the Oldie but Goody Village Listing

and this is what I found. Frozen steps! God Help Me!  I knew what was going to happen next. I tippie toed up the steps!  I was wrong. I made it!  Without falling!  I looked at the door and remembered it was a combination lock box and I had left the paper with the code in the car.  So I just turned around and fell down those stairs. I Hate These Customers Sooooo Much!

I practically crawled back up the stairs with a paper that said “2070.”  Ok  Andra,  You can do this. With bleeding hands and highly bruised ego and ass, I reached for the frozen lock. I put in the code…..2070….NOTHING!  I immediately called the listing agent who of course did not answer the phone. I had to do this on my customers phone because I dare not try to get back to my car where I left my own phone!  I left a nasty message for the listing agent. Meanwhile a little girl next store is calling out her front door to me saying  “Mia’s Mom! Mia is on the phone. She wants to talk to you! Mia! Your Mother is showing the house next door!”  I thought I was going to have a heart attack! The customers are now looking at me like they need to take drop me at the nearest sanitarium !  I  Absolutely Hate these Customers Dammit! Why are they doing this to me?!!!!

The Third and Final Listing

What a beautiful listing! Perfectly located. Up to date curb appeal and  wonderful traditional facade. There were beautiful specimen trees all around with a circular drive on a third of an acre.  The owner  was waiting at the open door at the top of the de iced and shoveled steps. Something was telling me this was the one! They are going to buy this house!!! And I mean it. The house was perfect in every way. It had 5 really nice bedrooms and three and a half bathrooms that were all updated or renovated recently. A great layout.  A beautiful yard with a built in pool. So clean we could have had lunch on the bare floors. The owner talked to them about how wonderful the town was and how well his children did in school all going on to be in ivy league schools and now all working in Washington!  After we left the home, we stood out front.  I asked what they liked and didn’t like as this was only our first appointment and it was a bit of a hard day for me. To that the Devil replied, “We really had our heart set on the water views. If that one becomes available, you can give us a call.”   I Really Really Really Hate this Guy at this Point! I felt like calling my husband and having him come there and beat him up! I was so mad I couldn’t see straight! I said I would work on other water front homes but we were talking about $100,000 higher or more for the size they were looking at. I then went home and took a nap.

 

The Follow Up

I sent the Devil Couple wonderful choices for water front properties. They thanked me but I guess the price of their first choice and those pictures killed any chance of raising the price points. I got a call from the Owner/Listing agent that there may be a problem on the Great South Bay house deal. Could I get my people in with an approval by Monday? I gave her their names (Mr & Mrs. Devil ) and told her the story as this woman works in the same office as me and she said,  “No problem Andra. I will not let them in here without you. ”   I called the Devil’s voice mail immediately to let him know of the change in Status on the Great South Bat Home. Now if you want you can think of me as a Genie Granting Wishes! Then I sent The Devil a text that the house had become available and to please find someone to get them an approval in order to gain access.  In case they needed someone, I sent them a choice of three lenders who dealt with Jumbo mortgages. Guess what?  No response. Guess they didn’t really want that Water View as much as they thought or the View of Me Falling Off the Highest Deck into the Great South Bay as I showed them the house just wasn’t appealing! The house went to contract a day later with the original customers.